Much Ado About Nothing by William ShakespeareMuch Ado About Nothing, abridged.
CLAUDIO: So, um, Hero, I sorta maybe like you a whole lot will you go to the prom with me?
HERO: We should get married! Squeeeeeee!
BEATRICE: Pfft. Love is for stupid losers who are stupid.
BENEDICK: You know, you might get laid more often if you werenít such a cynical bitch all the time.
BEATRICE: Fuck you.
BENEDICK: Get in line, sugartits.
*audience is beaten over the head by sexual tension*
DON PEDRO: Hey everybody, I had a great idea! Letís make Beatrice and Benedick fall in love!
EVERYONE: YAY! MEDDLING!
PRINCE JOHN: So, I think Iím going to break up Claudio and Hero.
BORACHIO: Really? Thatís your dastardly scheme? How do we possibly benefit from that?
PRINCE JOHN: No, see, I donít like Claudio because my half-brother likes him, and I hate my half brother, soÖwait. Okay, so itís actually a really pointless plan that only serves to create conflict. But itís the only way I get any good scenes in this thing, so MISCHIEF AHOY!
BORACHIO AND CONRADE: YAY!
BEATRICE: Hey Benedick, you still suck donkey balls.
BENEDICK: I fart in your general direction! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
BEATRICE: I dont want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!
PRINCE JOHN: So guess what Claudio? Your woman totally cheated on you. I saw, I was there.
CLAUDIO: OMG I HATE THAT WHORE.
DON PEDRO: Despite the fact that heís a bastard in all senses of the word and has no reason to be helping me or my friends, I think we should believe John without proof or even asking Heroís side of the story.
CLAUDIO: Hero, youíre a shameless whore and I hate your stupid face!
PRIEST: Great job, now Heroís dead from sad.
CLAUDIO: OMG I AM SO REMORSEFUL. FORGIVE ME, DEAD HERO!
HERO: Pysche! Iím really okay!
BEATRICE: Luckily THIS time the priestís idea to fake a girlís death to solve all her problems actually worked, instead of backfiring horribly.
BENEDICK: Hey, thatís pretty funny. You know, I guess youíre not that bad. I think I love you, and stuff.
BEATRICE: Yeah, I guess I kind of love you too.
ANTONIO: Close enough. Now off to kill Prince John!
Benedick's poem - Much Ado About Nothing - HD - GR/EN subs
Much Ado About Nothing Scenes
See Important Quotations Explained. In the Italian town of Messina, the wealthy and kindly Leonato prepares to welcome home some soldier friends who are returning from a battle. These friends include Don Pedro of Aragon, a highly respected nobleman, and a brave young soldier named Claudio, who has won much honor in the fighting. Beatrice cleverly mocks and insults Benedick. When Benedick tells Beatrice proudly that he has never loved a woman and never will, Beatrice responds that women everywhere ought to rejoice. Everyone goes off together except Claudio and Benedick.
Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing broken down into eight key moments. Leonato, the governor of Messina, together with his daughter, Hero, and their relative, Beatrice, receive news of the return from the wars of the prince Don Pedro, his companions, Claudio and Benedick, and Don John, his half-brother. Leonato extends his hospitality to the surly Don John who has recently been reconciled to his brother, Don Pedro, and receives a curt acceptance. Claudio immediately falls in love with Hero which he confesses to Don Pedro, who offers to woo her on his behalf. Beatrice and Benedick are re-acquainted and exchange witty insults.
Act 1 Scene 1
HERO I do. HERO None, my lord. Why, then, some be of laughing, as, ah, ha, he! Father, by your leave: Will you with free and unconstrained soul Give me this maid, your daughter? There, Leonato, take her back again: Give not this rotten orange to your friend; She's but the sign and semblance of her honour.